I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
