I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
