i permit you to call me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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