in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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