The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
