Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
