but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
