She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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