my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
