I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
