dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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