he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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