so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
