I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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