the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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