Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
