Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
