I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
