He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
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How external is "for external use only"?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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