Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
