just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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