i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
false alarm, still single
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
