...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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