Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's never too late to be topless.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
