i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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