Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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