I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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