I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
