Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
