saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
