What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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