I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was confusing and full of hummus
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
