you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
