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all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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