ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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