There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
