when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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