you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
