WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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