i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
