I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
