Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
