p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
