she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have fence marks all over my body
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
