Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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