Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
