Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
