he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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