The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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