after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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