This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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