In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
