the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
