That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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