After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A+ Viking dick
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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