everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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