Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
