i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize