I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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