we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize