I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
