i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
