so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
