my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
