It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
