Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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