Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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