then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
