i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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