I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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