Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
