who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
