He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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