I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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