i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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