Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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