Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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