You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
